Empowered Flow Coaching BLOG

Let's get contagious!

2011-12-20T14:52:00.002-05:00

Just jump...

2011-10-24T22:49:00.006-04:00

Jaya, our teacher from the Open Dharma meditation retreat this past weekend at The Stone House, shared a beautiful and poignant visual that brilliantly described this experience of expanding consciousness, what it feels like. She said it's as if we are living in a fishbowl floating within the ocean.

Hit me right between the eyes and got me thinking...

We swim around in this fishbowl thinking that the limitations of the bowl - our stories, our fears, our judgments - are all there is to life. Many of us are happy living out our entire lives in the fishbowl; but some of us are driven by a persistent, mysterious impulse toward liberation for ourselves and for others and to have our work in the world come from this deeper, more empowered & open-hearted space.

I've felt this persistent impulse or ache in my soul for as long as I can remember but didn't understand or have the language for it. Now I do.

Through committment to deepening spiritual practice (reading, meditation, prayer, service, etc.), our awareness of the ocean around us expands and we realize that all we have to do is swim out of this fishbowl to experience true freedom.

And what does that freedom feel like?

For me it feels like dropping into an unlimited capacity for love, compassion, joy, forgiveness. There's a flow and ease to life that is independent of circumstances. I feel connected to everyone and everything with an insatiable desire to serve others in a deep and meaningful way.

It also at times feels scary, exhausting, vulnerable and insecure because the ocean is so vast and uncontrollable...until I remember what enlightened masters like Jesus and Buddha have always taught - that the unseen Power that governs universal life (God, Spirit, etc.) is not separate from us. It is me, it is you, and we are that. I am the ocean and the ocean is me. So what is there to fear?

Sometimes I'm spacious, centered and courageous enough to swim out into the ocean and rest in that freedom of being; sometimes I swim around in the fishbowl I know so well. I'm learning there's nothing right or wrong about hanging out in the bowl, but it is my choice now. That's the journey, the path. If I had to describe my ultimate reason for being on this planet at this time I'd say it is to be part of and contribute to this momentum toward liberation...for all.

I love roller coasters and swimming out of the fishbowl into the ocean feels kinda like I'm on the biggest, baddest coaster...scared and exhilarated at the same time. I guess I'll just throw my arms in the air and yell weeeeeeeeee!

What a wild ride man.

Be still my heart...

2011-10-13T17:30:00.005-04:00

"Once the heart is still, we can meet our deepest beliefs by practicing openness. Consider how a flower knows when it's time to bloom. Rather than preparing itself for a particular moment, it seems that a flower stays true to a life of leaning toward the light and to a life of continually opening in the presence of light. The way to our deepest beliefs is the same. For the life of the soul opens like an unseeable flower we carry within that is always leaning toward the light, whether we want to or not. Though we have the choice whether to open ourselves to that light or not."

- Mark Nepo

Working with the monkey that is our mind

2011-10-06T20:56:00.005-04:00

Our busy minds often disturb that feeling of Oneness just like kids might disturb a parent who is trying to meditate. There is nothing wrong with the kids (your mind)...the practice is to purify and discipline OUR minds so we are less inclined to feel disturbed and can rest in that feeling of Oneness anytime, anywhere...even when kids want to just play.

Our mind is not the enemy...it's just doing what it is designed to do. Practices like reading spiritual books, prayer, selfless service and meditation help us to continuously calm and cleanse the mind so that it can serve our awakening to our true Self. Then we give ourSelves away for the benefit of others.

"Every one of you is a Buddha. I cannot make you a Buddha. You have to awaken the Buddha within you" - Buddha

"The kingdom of heaven is within" - Jesus

Idk

2011-10-04T14:08:00.003-04:00

"It is not until we have fully come to understand the impossibility of knowing anything for sure, that we can let go, stop working so hard at knowing, and allow the truth to come into our lives as a gift. At some point, the sage stops seeking knowledge and gains wisdom.” -- a wise sage

Pieces

2011-10-04T13:59:00.011-04:00

We are God's love broken into many living, breathing pieces to be given away, over and over again...

Breaking through illusion

2011-08-24T19:45:00.012-04:00

Taking a break, contemplating the nature of life...

There's really NO separation, NO duality...there is only my true Self as manifestation of the One Spirit or God - as is everything and everyone else. That is the one TRUTH, the mystery that never changes no matter what language you use to try and describe it...although I love the way Jesus and Buddha break it down :-)

But I've learned to appreciate my humanity, my ego self. And I'm learning to appreciate the humanity in others. The ideas and concepts in the books I read are really just ways to play with my humanness with more freedom, more joy, more love... and give that away. When they no longer are needed and I can rest in the truth, I set them aside...again and again.

At least until I get completely annoyed by the guy snoring next to me at Barnes & Noble...really?? I guess this is called "compassion practice"...

Peace.

Somaila...

2011-08-07T11:11:00.004-04:00

At yesterday's Meetup I met a beautiful Ethiopian woman who was recently a relief worker in Somalia. She described the beauty, compassion, love, resilience she witnessed in the midst of such unimaginable suffering. SHE was surprised and encouraged that many of us deeply care about what is happening there and WE were reminded that, like she said, even a flower can grow through concrete.

It's not my business to understand why things like this happen, that's God's or Source business; my business is to do my best to bring MY light wherever I go and when the world's suffering becomes overwhelming to contemplate I remember... "just when a caterpillar thought the world was ending it turned into a butterfly"...

Peace.

When willpower is trumped by bad habits

2011-07-31T09:20:00.004-04:00

Thanks Leo...another great post!

Beating old habits isn’t a matter of having a mountain of willpower. It’s a matter of paying attention, doing a small new habit in its place, and using some easy tricks to overcome the forces that work against us.

There are several steps to beating a bad habit...

1. Figure out what your trigger is.

2. Find a replacement habit.

3. Engineer positive & negative feedback.

4. Do the new habit immediately after the trigger, consistently.

5. Beat the urge to do the old habit.

Read the entire post here --> http://zenhabits.net/will/

You. Do. You.

2011-07-27T20:51:00.011-04:00

Recent coaching conversation with a client...

Me: "So why do you think you care so much about what others think?"

Client: "I just like that feeling of being loved, respected, validated I guess."

Me: "Got it. Just so I'm clear...is it the validation that makes you a lovable, respectable, worthy person OR are they validating what you already know to be true and that just feels good?"

Silence...

Client: "When I think about it that way I guess their approval is nice but not so important, that I am worrying so much about what really doesn't matter..."

Me: "I invite you to consider that what others think of you is none of your business; your business is remembering you are inherently a beautiful, unique, loved manifestation of divine grace. Get a crush on yourself! Enjoy the validation or approval when it comes to you, but don't let it determine how you feel about yourself. Do you."

Let's BLOW UP that old, outdated story line and get on with what we are here to do...love ourselves and extend that out to others.

Loving what is.

2011-07-14T18:34:00.002-04:00

I remember reading years ago in a book about spirituality that the "clouds" or difficult times in life were just passing phenomenon, something not ultimately real...that the beauty, brilliance and perfection of the sun was the true nature of life.

Fast forward to today...

During my run today I glanced up at the sky and realized that the clouds are just as beautiful as the sun, just as important and necessary. True freedom is the ability to embrace and appreciate both...to "love what is" as Byron Katie would say.

I'm such a sucker for metaphor...

Get turned on! WOOOHOOO

2011-07-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

"You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better. You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive. It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone. If you're wanting to be of an advantage to others, be as tapped in, turned in, turned on as you can possibly be." ~ Abraham-Hicks

Master just ONE skill...

2011-07-05T14:58:00.001-04:00

"The most valuable skill or talent that you could ever develop is that of directing your thoughts toward what you want—to be adept at quickly evaluating all situations and then quickly coming to the conclusion of what you most want—and then giving your undivided attention to that." ~ Abraham-Hicks

Faith...

2011-06-20T14:13:00.003-04:00

"Faith is "having the courage to live as if everything that happens is for our highest good and learning." ~ Dan Millman

Personal development is for wimps!?

2011-06-11T20:23:00.007-04:00

I LOVE personal development work...for both myself and my clients. For me there is no option. This blog post describes why...

Excerpt from http://succcess.org/tag/flexibility/ ...

It’s hilarious to me that many people can’t wrap their head around PD (personal development) as though there’s a sort of stigma attached to it which likely originated from the designation of the “Self-Help” category publishers are so fond of using. What’s ‘funny’ about it of course is these are the same people who think they are perfect (the problem is everyone else) and yet, for some reason they’re not sure why they don’t have more ’success’ in life.

Who knows? All I know is that without the constant pursuit of personal development/improvement to outpace the compounding effects of change along with the mindset to embrace and accept the challenges said change brings about, my life would be very different...

Read the entire article at http://succcess.org/tag/flexibility/.

With love.

Ebb and flow...

2011-06-02T09:31:00.007-04:00

"Life has its ebb and flow. It builds up, and then it clears out. You need this rhythm, just as you need to breathe in and breathe out. Like your body, your soul gets filled with pollutants. Dark moments are part of the rhythm by which you fill up and empty out. Too many writers emphasize incessant growth....We should also speak for being still and not getting anywhere. The entire cycle is crucial." ~ Thomas Moore

Closure?

2011-05-02T11:05:00.003-04:00

I'll never have closure on losing my ex-husband Courtney, but I don't need closure. I'm not even sure what that means. What I have is a safe, protected, untouchable place in my heart that holds all the deep love, incredible memories and the eventual healing that defines our enduring connection.

I'm not "celebrating" the death of bin laden; I'm remembering & reflecting on the man Courtney was and so grateful for the time I had with him.

2010-10-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

I came across this again today written by Erma Bombeck after she found out she was dying from cancer. Speaks directly to my heart and I wanted to share...

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER...

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer's day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my children kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go and wash your hands for dinner.'
There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's'.
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back.

STOP SWEATING ABOUT THE SMALL STUFF!!! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Fulfillment...

2010-09-17T12:20:00.000-04:00

Everything I've learned about how to be successful and fulfilled in life can be summed up this way...

1) Know yourself.

2) Be yourself.

3) Offer yourself to others.

No more complicated than that...

I choose love...

2010-08-12T14:31:00.003-04:00

Will I feel this ache in the pit of my stomach around this time EVERY year -- will it ever go away completely? Not even sure I want it to...

With another 9-11 anniversary approaching, I'm reminded of the path my spiritual journey has taken -- from an angry, vindictive, self-righteous, shutdown 'victim' whose first love and ex-husband was crushed to death in tower two of what was the World Trade Center ...to now being an essentially open-hearted, joyful person with a greater capacity for deep, genuine compassion who supports the bold project to build a mosque next to the site of that same tragedy.

I choose love not fear.

I'm learning how to move through the moments of my life without grasping onto thoughts and feelings that don't serve me...choosing instead to respond and take action with an open heart as soon as I am able. Progress not perfection, right, and the teachings of Adyashanti have been very helpful.

I will be sharing a video featuring Adyashanti at my next Meetup scheduled for August 21, 2010. Adyashanti is a spiritual teacher from the Bay Area who gives regular Satsangs (teachings) in the United States and also teaches abroad. He is the author of several books, CDs and DVDs and is the founder of Open Gate Sangha, Inc. a nonprofit organization that supports, and makes available, his teachings.

I love Adyashanti's teaching style on resting in our natural state of BEING and using INQUIRY as a way of moving through the moments of our life, especially the tough ones. Check him out.

Our Thoughts Lead Us Away From What We Are Here To Experience

2010-07-14T11:09:00.001-04:00

I'm reposting this from Gangaji (www.gangaji.com). I just love the simplicity and profound truth she is able to communicate...

Our Thoughts Lead Us Away From What We Are Here To Experience

My invitation is very simple. It is to stop your internal conversations long enough to directly experience the aliveness in the core of your being. If we are willing—for at least a moment—to stop believing that what we know is the whole truth, and to open our minds to what is unknown, then the answer is here, and it is always here. In that openness, you can inquire, is this enough? Is this fulfillment in itself? In your discovery a lifetime of deep inquiry is available to you.

The question I continually get is "How do I stop?" or "Well, yes, I can stop in your presence, or I can stop right now, but what about tomorrow when I go to work, or when the children are crying, or when I'm in a different setting, a different context."

It is really all the same, and certainly my answer is always the same. The question is really, "How do I find the resolve to actually stop and be still?" Finally it is an issue of resolve, and resolve can only come from the question, "What do I want?" What do I really want?

If you are struggling, and what you want is to win an argument or to figure something out, or to know the answer, then it doesn’t even make sense to stop thinking because thinking helps you figure out the answer, or it helps you make points in an argument. But If what you really want is peace, or the truth that transcends the argument, or the truth of yourself, then resolve is there to actually take a moment and simply stop, stop what you are doing: stop the winning, stop the figuring, stop the knowing, and simply be aware of what is here.

I am never speaking against thought. I recognize the power of thought and the necessity of thought in particular circumstances. I respect that and I am in awe of it. But what gets so much overlooked, and where there is so much unnecessary suffering, is when we rely on thought to give us peace, or the truth of ourselves, or to give us the truth that transcends all arguments.

Peace is immediately discovered in this moment by simply stopping. The question, "What about the next moment?" is already leaving this moment. That question itself is trying to figure out what will happen; it is trying to know. If we are willing to stop figuring and to stop knowing, then the answer is here, and it is always here. It is very simple.

What is simple and what is complicated? Is the source of authenticity complex or simple? The result can be either complex or simple, but is the source of authenticity complex or simple? It is my discovery that it is utterly simple and immeasurably profound. So simple that even words like profound are too complicated. Simple beingness, aware of its being.

Focus...

2010-07-09T15:20:00.002-04:00

I love this quote as I try to integrate all the things I want to do in this lifetime. It's become more and more important that everything I do aligns with my one big overarching idea...to remove any blocks to love's presence in my life and to bring more of that love into the world by my words and actions.

"Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of the idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced". ~ Swami Vivekananda

Waking up...

2010-06-30T17:32:00.004-04:00

Eckhart Tolle's teachings have helped me to WAKE UP (over and over again ;-)... to genuinely commit to developing my ability to be in the present moment. And practicing being present has helped me to make more intentional, conscious choices (like sticking to my new exercise and nutrition routine) instead of going through my day-to-day making excuses and living by default -- essentially reacting to one thought after another.

We all think, right -- thoughts about past and future come and go naturally -- but the choice is to not over-identify with my thoughts, to recognize that who I really am, my essence, is untouched by those thoughts. My essence is peace, love, connection...and therein lies my joy. And I can drop down into that knowing any time. NICE!

Trust is Granted Not Earned - Audio

2010-06-22T10:08:00.001-04:00

I've been heads down a bit working on some developing opportunities. I'll be back posting full force shortly. In the meantime, check out what Mike says about trust...peace & bliss!

Trust is Granted Not Earned - Audio

Stop and Hear the Music - Audio

2010-04-23T19:35:00.002-04:00

Great reminder - Stop and Hear the Music - Audio

Infinite Potential

2010-02-26T10:36:00.001-05:00

I've been meditating and reflecting on the ideas Bob Proctor so brilliantly lays out in this video for years, and there's not much more I can add so I figured I'd show it to you and let it speak for itself.

I love playing with these ideas and experiencing the truth of them for myself. Once you get this, life explodes with possibility - both personally, professionally. Enjoy!

Striving for passionate imbalance?

2010-02-04T20:42:00.021-05:00

I read a great quote yesterday in this month's Success Magazine about what "marketing" means when done with high integrity. I'm paraphrasing, but it went something like this...

"Marketing is not about selling; it's about serving".

I love it when I feel something resonate as truth.

One of my primary goals is to align all aspects of my life -- both personal and professional -- in a way that feels powerful. So I often wondered how I could be so passionate about life coaching AND equally passionate about marketing & consulting (since marketing often gets a bad rap). But that quote made it all clear.

The reality is that I approach marketing consulting as a way of serving just like I approach coaching ...partnering with people to solve problems; clarify a vision; address needs; accomplish meaningful objectives. There are an infinite number of ways to be of passionate service to others -- coaching and marketing are just my favorite two.

I've also given up on the idea that the ultimate goal in my life is to be "in balance" -- to find some never-changing mythical way of life that represents the perfect combination of daily activities to maintain some Zen-like state of being. As I approach my 43rd birthday, I instead try to imbalance my life toward moments that make me feel strong! And I identify and build into my life as many of those empowering moments as possible.

Who knew living a life of "passionate imbalance" was such a beautiful thing! Life is a trip...

Haiti...

2010-01-22T22:09:00.009-05:00

Reflecting on Haiti tonight with a full heart.

I see the soul of the Haitian people...their faith, strength and determination in the face of such destruction, such incredible suffering. And I feel so helpless yet so broken open with gratitude for my life.

Seeing our connectedness on display as the world responds with love in all its forms, I'm reminded of what lies underneath our fears, our struggles, our anxieties, our fascination with separation...love.

There's nothing more powerful, more precious than the human spirit standing unashamed with a wide open heart.

Stay strong men, women and children of Haiti. Something good will come even of this...

The Missing Link...

2009-12-24T12:43:00.010-05:00

At our December Meetup, we talked about getting clear on the vision for our lives by focusing on what we WANT (not what we don't want) and then creating little mental movies in our head (visualize) detailing what it would feel like when we achieve it. For example, instead of focusing on finding a partner who DOES NOT smoke, IS NOT in debt, etc... focus on finding a partner who IS healthy, IS ambitious, etc. State what you want in the positive...

And once we truly BELIEVE that what we want is on it's way to us and feel the emotion of that truth, our minds look for situations that reinforce that belief and we begin to live into that truth by attracting the people and situations to us that are in alignment.

John Assaraf puts it this way... Thoughts + FEELING + Action = Results.

If any one of those pieces is missing, our results will fall short. I tend to be really good at the thoughts, getting crystal clear on what I want, and I am pretty good with action being a type A personality ...but the weakest component of that formula for me is FEELING. I sometimes let doubt interfere with (or delay) my results, which is what I will be working on in 2010.

How does this resonate with you?

No More Resolutions...

2009-12-21T10:39:00.015-05:00

There’s a story I read recently about a Native American grandfather who was talking to his grandson after 9-11 about violence and cruelty in the world and how something like 9-11 can happen. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry; the other wolf was compassionate and loving. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered “the one that wins will be the one that I choose to feed.”

What a powerful illustration of how WE determine our experience of life by where we choose to place our attention and by which thoughts we reinforce/feed/nurture with that attention.

Our own choices about which thoughts to nurture determine our experience of life. No exceptions. Think about it...how often do we subtly nurture fear-based thoughts of lack, judgment, jealousy, regret, guilt, resentment as opposed to love-based thoughts of generosity, compassion, faith, trust, forgiveness, service...and then blame outside circumstances for messing with the quality of our life? We’re often so focused on trying to rearrange outside circumstances (if I made more money I’d be happy, if she would just behave the right way I’d be happy, if my job was different, etc.) instead of dealing with how we are thinking about our circumstances, which in turn determines the choices we make in response to the quality of our thoughts, which in turn determines our experience.

So as I move into 2010, my focus is not on resolutions to lose weight, make more money, get a bigger house, etc.; my underlying intention this coming year is to continue developing a sharper sense of self-awareness so that I make loving, life supporting choices more often than not. How? Reading, journaling, workshops, teleclasses, retreats, etc...there are so many resources now available to support living a powerful, authentic life. For example, www.healingwiththemasters.com has been an incredible source of inspiration and practical tools these past few months! Find what works best for you.

My life is most definitely a reflection of the choices I make each day and the habits that reinforce those choices, so with an evolving sense of self-awareness 2010 for me will be about continuing to align (or realign) my thoughts and habits so that they correspond to my highest desires. Not just to think about my desires for my career, finances, relationships, health, etc. as if they may or may not happen; but to get crystal clear on my vision so that in the present moment I can think and act as if I KNOW what I desire is on its way to me and match my thinking and habits to that truth. Then, just as importantly, I let go of trying to control HOW it shows up. I just do my part and then put my trust in a power greater than myself that whatever is the highest good will become apparent. Invite you to do the same.

Wishing everyone much abundance in every way possible in 2010 and in years coming. Be well.

Gratefulness = No Regrets

2009-11-12T11:19:00.019-05:00

I always tend to think about gratitude around the holidays and this year is no different. However, a new insight bubbled up this week...

My intention is to live a life with no regrets, and the best way I've found to do that is to stay in gratitude. Now... it's easy to feel grateful when life is going as planned or when life's dramas are kept to a minimum. But when I can feel grateful for the experiences that are most unpleasant by choosing to see valuable lessons for me in all that happens, there is no room for regret.

So, what I've realized is that living a life with no regrets is NOT about obsessing to make sure I make all the "right" choices in every situation; it's about honestly doing MY best and using ALL of my life -- the pleasant and the unpleasant -- as an invitation to grow, learn more about myself, and live more fully authentic.

"Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret." -- Miguel Angel Ruiz

A Gift?

2009-10-18T19:21:00.007-04:00

I often end my emails with "Be Well", and the lesson for me over these past several weeks is that there's a difference between wellness and being pain-free.

Wellness looks different for everyone; for me it's a feeling of acceptance, presence, compassion, openness and gratitude for my life. Whether or not I feel WELL has less to do with how much physical pain my neck hernias or anything else are causing me, but how skillfully or fearfully I work with the pain. After revisiting Pema Chodron's teachings on suffering, meditation and freedom last month, I was clearly "gifted" an opportunity to work with them for real...

Practicing mindfulness to tap into my fundamental feeling of wellness in the midst of my physical pain definitely continues to be a challenging exercise, but it has been proven true for me (again) that genuine joy or a feeling that all is well is independent of what is happening to or around me. I know that not because I read about it or heard about it at a seminar or lecture, but because I experience it. At those times when my response to life does not reflect the spiritual principles I study, the disconnect is not in my understanding of the concepts but in feeling the truth of them for me.

I invite you to look at any area of your life that is causing you pain - physical or emotional. What lesson is your pain trying to teach you? Where is there a disconnect between what you say you believe and your behaviors? Can you access a feeling of wellness or a knowing that all is well even when you would prefer life be different in the moment? Because you become really powerful and free when you use ALL of your life in service to your highest sense of self...and then offer your best to others.

Joy & Pain

2009-09-11T18:15:00.012-04:00

This past Sunday, I arrived back home after enjoying a wonderful vacation in Hawaii. Contrast that with the profound heartache I feel today when I reflect on losing a loved one on 9/11/01.
And then...I was driving home after work listening to "Joy and Pain" by Frankie Beverly and Maze and felt a sudden relief...

"...joy and pain...like sunshine and rain..."

Listening reminded me that both joy and pain (like sun and rain) are essential for life. And for me, pain's purpose is to show up and leave behind whatever lesson it was meant to bring - be it a deeper understanding, compassion, new insight, whatever. When I try to fight the pain that has already arrived instead of just "being" with it, I clog up my life's natural flow, and the pain hangs around longer than is useful.

That song interrupted my painful "thought attack", and that created some internal space for a new understanding to arise (or more accurately I remembered what I already knew). Pain, like bliss, is an impermanent experience, like clouds passing through a clear blue sky. But true love never dies - it lives eternally and manifests in how generously I love, how simply I live, how deeply I care and how kindly I speak.

So once again, I end the day grateful. Grateful for the loving imprint Courtney has left on my life and how his angelic energy guides me even when it's painful, AND grateful for a beautiful Hanalei sunset in Kauai shared with someone who so gracefully reflects God's love FOR me back TO me. And isn't that the point of it all.

What true power looks like

2009-08-13T14:11:00.016-04:00

I read an article yesterday about Joan Baez and how she responded to a confrontation by angry right-wing protesters that got me thinking about the power of the serenity prayer. Here’s the serenity prayer for those unfamiliar with it:

God/Universe/Higher Power grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

You can read the article about the confrontation here and then come back…

Imagining that confrontation brings up images of flexibility, depth, calm, flow, power – like bamboo bending in the wind but never breaking; like Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix once he fully owned his power. Joan recognized she didn’t have control over the actions, experience, or feelings of other people, but she did have control over how she responded.

It got me thinking about the subtle but significant difference between power vs. force - and how the serenity prayer is a useful tool if living a powerful life is the goal.

Living powerfully means living in a state of awakening - becoming more present to your life and more available for others, relaxing into the now, not latching onto any negative feelings but instead allow them to move through you when they arise, being flexible, curious, open-minded and focusing on things you have control over – basically finding and living in the flow of your own life.

Over the past few weeks, the health care debate and the tone it has taken has proven to be a great opportunity for me to practice living the serenity prayer and staying in my own flow. At times when I become irritable, judgmental, and generally distracted by listening to the news, I whisper the serenity prayer over and over again to break the cycle of negative thought. I tap my wisdom and it shakes we awake, reminding me of my power. Power is not something someone gives us or takes away – it’s something we tap into. Power is inherent in all of us – some use it & build an empowered life based on it, some don’t and as a result live a life anchored in fear of what others do, think, say and feel. Joan brilliantly demonstrated what it looks like to live powerfully.

There’s a fundamental flow to life in general – day turns into night, up/down, sun/rain, crankiness and bliss…it’s all necessary and natural. The in breath is just as essential as the out breath...the universe has a pulse that we can tune into. And we become imbalanced – physically, emotionally, spiritually - when we hold our breath, fighting with the flow and trying to control what we have no control over. It’s this imbalance that is the precursor to stress, fatigue, overwhelm, and distraction.

Find your own unique flow, stand in your own power, and focus on what you can control to achieve the results you intend (setting intention is key, but more on that another day). Don’t fight life, but bring your power to each and every interaction and watch your life expand into an abundance of love, success and joy.

Worth the risk?

2009-07-16T14:52:00.018-04:00

For me, a rich, delicious life is all about discovering yourself -- developing self-awareness while fully owning who you are in any given moment -- and showing up authentically and unapologetic...one day at a time.

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
-- Anaïs Nin

"It is only by risking.... that we really ever live at all."
-- William James

"The purpose of life is to risk living life more fully."
-- Anonymous

Unlearning...

2009-07-08T20:26:00.020-04:00

I attended a teleclass last night facilitated by Jack Canfield, one of the authors of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series of books. He talked about an exercise he called Ideal Visioning – I think that’s what he called it. Basically, the idea was to check in with yourself and describe what would have to happen in order for you to be totally satisfied with each area of your life one year from now:
• Finances
• Job & Career
• Health & Fitness
• Relationships
• Fun & Recreation
• Personal Development (spirituality, skill set, etc.)
• Contribution & Legacy

It seemed like a great opportunity to pause and check in with myself…refocus my energies, evaluate what’s important based on what I know to be true for me, see where I can more consistently align my day-to-day behavior with what I want in life, and figure out what I need to add, eliminate or upgrade to live my life to the fullest.

Working through this exercise, I’m realizing it’s not so much about learning new information, reading a new book, or collecting more insights…it’s really about unlearning what no longer serves me. Unlearning. Even the idea of it is freeing, simplifying ... kinda like spring cleaning for my soul.

Growing up, we’re taught lots of things about how the world works, how to view others, how to view ourselves and our place in this world, how to navigate life in order to protect ourselves from harm and so on. Both consciously and unconsciously, we adopt these beliefs that guide the choices we make as we mature – both those that have been empowering and positive as well as those that have been harmful in some way.

Many of those beliefs served a purpose. For example, learning not to talk to strangers served to keep me safe when I was too immature to discern how to best protect myself. But now, if I continue to adopt that belief unquestioned -- consciously or unconsciously -- then I may miss opportunities to meet some amazing new people. Some inherited beliefs are more subtle and damaging, like someone learning there is only one “right” religion. We can look at religious fundamentalism in all faiths to see the damage THAT belief does if it goes unexamined by an evolving consciousness.

But today, I’m incredibly fortunate to have information that my ancestors did not have easy access to if at all…gifted teachers, lectures, seminars, retreats, books, ancient teachings from around the world. So the question becomes…based on what I know NOW, what beliefs serve my highest purpose to live a life guided by love, compassion, joy, honesty, monogamy, service, connection, meaningful work, faithfulness, and so on, and which do not. What beliefs do I need to unlearn today? And a great place to start is looking at any area of my life that is less than ideal.

A beautiful, clearly powerful man I met last month described how he struggled with procrastination…avoiding doing the things he knew would help him grow his business and make lots of money. It appeared to me he had an old tape playing in his head -- a belief at work -- about his inability to attract and manage wealth. His parents taught him to work hard, don’t make trouble, be satisfied and happy with whatever you get, be cautious, etc. and that money will always be a struggle.

Even though his world is more expansive in many ways and he now knows better, that deep-seated belief was keeping him stuck and he didn’t even realize it. He was courageous enough to get honest, he began questioning that belief, replacing it with his OWN belief based on his experience, and now his energies are freed up to serve him better. Unlearing. Definitely an ongoing process...

I invite you to do this exercise with me and share your vision with someone you love and trust. Saying it out loud makes the vision real, holds you accountable, and may unearth ideas you hadn’t thought of. Imagine what your life would look like in each of those areas…feel into it…and then add, eliminate or upgrade the people, places and things in your life to make space for this reality. If not now, when?

What do YOU need to unlearn to live into your vision? I can’t think of a better use of time -- clearing mental clutter -- except playing monopoly with my godson or a massage by my miracle worker Grace ;-)

And remember, if you are in the Triangle area of NC, join us at my next Meetup -- www.meetup.com/ListenToYourLife -- to discuss this and other ideas/tools to support you in living an inspired life.

Humanity's Prayer List...

2009-06-30T22:01:00.001-04:00

From Marianne Williamson's Everyday Grace...

"Think of the news as humanity's prayer list. How different the world would be if every day's newspaper reports were met with prayers for healing from its readers! And that will happen, when the modern mind realizes the power of spirit. Prayer itself will emerge from the constricting limitations of religious doctrine, to become a spontaneous call of the soul to the higher power from whence we came."

Now that's some good stuff!

Plain truth

2009-06-12T23:33:00.001-04:00

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby

Fear

2009-06-12T11:48:00.013-04:00

Thinking about the role fear plays in our lives. Truth is... fear is good, healthy, useful, normal, energizing. And we all are afraid of something – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being judged, fear of loss, fear of pain or hurt in the face of real or more often imagined danger.

What we are afraid of is determined by our upbringing, our temperament, our circumstances, our history. But how we respond to our unique blend of fears determines the quality of our lives, not whether we are fearful or not.

For example…we can wait until we are less fearful before we make new friends or reconnect to old ones OR we can take bold steps without our “mask” to make genuine connection. You feel more powerful in your own life when you work WITH your fear instead of fighting it. Think about where your life feels less than ideal…it can point to an area of our life where fear is not serving you and it may be useful to reframe the role fear plays in your life. Ken Wilber talks about the idea of “transcending and including”…which I interpret as embracing and using ALL of your life, especially your fears, to serve your highest good and your purpose on this planet.

I mentioned this to a friend who said something like “I’m not really afraid of anything – I just live my life”. Cool. I asked where does your life not feel ideal? She said, well I just don’t have enough downtime for myself. Ok. After some chit chat, she considered that she may be over-committing to things because she wants to feel valued/respected/loved by others and not disappoint people – fear of rejection or failure or judgment. And she said when those fearful feelings came up she always pushed them away (dismissing them since they made her feel weak), so she just kept on moving.

As a result, she feels like she is kinda visiting her own life – not fully there, engaged, enjoying it, present to it. I suggested she instead welcome her fears with honesty, understanding and compassion, stay with the feelings as they moved through her, and from that space of openness, authenticity and gentleness work to heal what needed healing. Fear is purely information. I wondered if her fear of rejection is an accurate reflection of her life today? Or is she playing with crusty, old, out-dated tapes in her head about who she is and what life is really all about?

Bringing a different energy to your fears empowers you to move in spite of them. That’s when life gets juicy.

What are you attracting into your life?

2009-06-03T16:26:00.010-04:00

I'm here in Ft. Lauderdale on a mostly unplugged vacation :-) taking a break by the ocean - my favorite place to be. Reading and reflecting...

Question...is there an area in your life that is not unfolding as you would like? Or a goal you'd like to achieve? Health? Finances? Relationships? Job? Instead of giving your attention to thoughts of lack, regret, fear or insufficiency, try visualization.

Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization lays out 3 main steps:

1) Set a goal. Is your goal to be debt free, find a healthy relationship, work you love, write a book? Make sure it's clearly articulated.

2) Create a clear idea or picture; a mental image. Imagine how you will FEEL when you reach that goal. How free will you feel to be debt-free? How loved will you feel in a healthy relationship? How will it feel when you sell 50K books? Really feel into it like it has already happened. Imagine...

3) Focus on it often. Take a few minutes each day to revisit your goal and how you'll feel when you achieve it. Even just 5 minutes a couple times a day.

4) Give it positive energy. Have fun with it. Repeat the process every day

The goal here is to dissolve any internal barriers or dis-empowering ideas about your life and the power we inherently have. And when thoughts that are contradictory come up, don't fight them...it gives them more power...just let them flow past like clouds passing, and return to your positive images.

For example, one of my goals is to buy a condo on the ocean by the time I am 50. We went to visit a furnished model in the exact condo I had visualized. Now I have an even clearer mental image to visualize. I imagine myself sitting on the balcony, reading, entertaining friends, feeling so incredibly grateful as the ocean breezes blow by. And as I continue to visualize living there - while simultaneously enjoying, being present to and greteful for my current home - I am drawing my vision to me. May not be that condo - but I know that vision will manifest in some way, shape or form - according to the highest good for all concerned.

Creative visualization has worked in my life in so many ways - try it for yourself. Maybe you call it something different, but the key here is to - while staying in gratitude for the present - consistently revisit and FEEL into your goals for a life fulfilled.

Be well and blessed.

sharon

Life Sentence

2009-05-29T15:57:00.009-04:00

I read yesterday that when you die, your life can be summed up in one sentence. I thought about that...what a great way to focus your activities for the day and get real about how you are living your life so that you live how you want that sentence to read...

Tending your Garden...

2009-05-29T14:39:00.003-04:00

If you think of your mind as a garden, why not nurture seeds (thoughts) that support your best life?

This doesn't mean that you walk around with positive thoughts all day skipping around in the midst of crisis or challenge. But by practicing awareness or mindfulness, you simply & gently recognize negative seeds and redirect your attention as soon as you are able AND just as importantly you trigger and nourish positive seeds to grow to crowd the others out. By paying attention to your life in this way, you begin to feel more in control, live more intentionally, less frantically and reactionary, more conscious.

Grab your journal, find a quiet spot and write down which seeds are you nourishing? Where is your attention? Focus on an area of your life that is not working as well as you'd like - what are your thoughts around it? Your beliefs? Has your garden been overrun with weeds?

Bone Marrow Donation...

2009-05-29T14:37:00.000-04:00

I became a bone marrow donor in 1999. The recipient's name was Brett and he and his family had been fighting leukemia for years. Tests determined my marrow was the best match, and the process of donation was one of the most enriching experiences of my life.

Every year, thousands of people of all ages are diagnosed with leukemia and other life-threatening diseases. Many of them will die unless they get a bone marrow or cord blood transplant from a matching donor.

Seventy percent of people do not have a donor in their family and depend on The National Marrow Donor Program to find a match to save their life.

Click here for more information and join the registry today!

Working with the Gap...

2009-05-29T14:26:00.001-04:00

In working with clients, there is a common theme that emerges, regardless of why we initially began working together. They longed to give their lives some deeper meaning. As long as they had not discovered this deeper meaning (or at least begin asking the deeper questions), they were more often than not feeling frustrated, fatigued, unclear, and on the wrong track. Sometimes it was obvious, but often it was subtle and insidious and playing out in one or more areas of their lives. We all want to feel in our own flow more often than not -- developing some inner peace in order to share that with others.

For me, at times when I'm less centered, impatient or irritated, it's typically the result of not feeling steady, clear. At those times, there's a physical and/or emotional low level ache or full blown tension resulting from the gap between how I am showing up in any particular moment and how I think I should be showing up OR how things presently are and how I think they should be.

The result? Lots of energy spent trying to close the gap -- spinning in resistance to the present moment which interferes with my being present, energized and available to respond in the most effective, life supporting way. Often just out of habit I'll go through a cycle of judgment, anxiety, fear, whatever; but now more often than not I'm able to pause, become aware of what's happening, recognize that I have a choice in how to respond, and take actions that move my life forward instead of playing old, outdated tapes in my head.

What I realized is that the gap is an invitation to move our lives forward and the anxiety is valuable information, a wake up call. That recognition gives new meaning and purpose to life's challenges which can then help keep us focused on the vision for our lives instead of getting stuck in the normal ups and downs of just being human.

Are you in the gap?

Be well.

Sowing & Reaping...

2009-05-29T14:24:00.000-04:00

We live our entire lives in our mind. Think about it. You have to first have a thought before you have a feeling which then determines your experience.

For example, think about walking into a room full of strangers -- it could either be an exciting opportunity to meet new people or an experience filled with dread and self-consciousness -- all depending on what you are thinking. If I tell you to feel sad, you have to THINK about something sad; if I tell you to feel angry, you have to THINK about something that makes you angry. Your quality of life is determined by what you think.

Now it's true -- oftentimes we are in challenging situations where it seems like we have no control over what we are thinking, but if you can practice pausing and even slightly reframe how you think about those circumstances -- how you receive it -- you can instantly transform how your life feels at that moment and as a result how you respond. It's a simple, yet profound insight found in many great spiritual teachings and working with this understanding has transformed my life in many ways.

Work with this insight and see what comes up!

Be well.

Intention...

2009-05-29T13:54:00.000-04:00

My journey continues to be much like yours -- with twists, turns, highs, lows and many surprises that blend together to form the unique tapestry that is my life. And like you I've accumulated my own portfolio of insights and lessons on the path to a life of meaning, authenticity and substance.

Now in my 40's, I've realized that it's not really so much about learning NEW information - a new book, a new retreat, a new teacher. It's about consistently applying the most relevant, empowering information and wisdom to your life. This newsletter is borne out of my desire to create a space that supports people in this process as I travel along my own journey.

In this blog, I'll explore the topic of living an authentic, powerful, inspired life as well as provide resources that support your journey. I invite you to take what is useful and toss the rest. Forward to a friend and share what comes up for you. I'd love to hear any feedback if there are ideas, suggestions, or comments you'd like to pass along.

And if you are in the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area of North Carolina, I facilitate a monthly Meetup called "Listen To Your Life; Turning Insight Into Action" to further explore the ideas of purpose and service. For more details click here and bring a friend.

As always I am wishing you abundance in every way,

Sharon